Calming tactics

In order to manage our energy well in any relationship and live our values (e.g. kindness, honesty, etc.), we need a calming tactic. When we get negatively emotionally triggered by situations, we tend to react with a negative action. This does not support excellence in our inner world or to those in our outer world. A calming tactic is that specific thing that you use to push the pause or stop button on your actions under duress. When you are able to sufficiently pause for a moment or minutes or hours or days, we calm down and are able to think about our values before we act. Then we are not in the grips of a knee-jerk reaction, rather we are able to respond with an action stemming from the rememberance of our values. This one thing will pay HUGE dividends. Since I have been meditating for many years a tactic I use is to take a deep breath or two and notice my feelings regarding a particular situation. It could be a parenting, spousal, work, or life situation so this translates across all domains of our lives. Some people use a coaching or spiritual phrase or mantra, some use a little break, some use “I” statements for what they are feeling in that moment (instead of blame). I encourage you to assess if you have a tactic or two in your pocket. How does it or they work for you? What is your experience and track record with them? If you don’t have them I encourage you to begin to develop this relational art form. As you put this tactic to the test you may find incredible results. As you step back from an emotional trigger, you get distance from it and you are able to work with it instead of the trigger controlling you and your reactions and have you falling into blame. As John Yokoyama said “Blame is a lousy teacher”. Blame keeps us in perpetual dysfunction. We cannot control the outside, but we can control our inside! This isn’t to say others aren’t doing things that we don’t like, this is life after all. But…with a calming tactic or two in your pocket you will be able to navigate life’s situations more adeptly and aligned with what you really want.

Get the results you want

So, here is an action item that you can take: homework if you will. Start to take mental note of those things at work (or at home) that are bothersome to you. Maybe a co-worker is negative, maybe you are feeling overwhelmed with workload. Whatever is the case take stock at those pesky situations. Next see what you do in the face of them. Do you avoid? Do you become sarcastic? Do you become a jerk? There is a ton of power in realizing how you act in the face of a non-ideal situation. If you ascertain that you handle the situations well, pass go and collect $200. If not, this is a time to uphold your values. What kind of parent, worker, manager do you really want to be? What is important to you? When you get clear on this, your actions can flow from them. But…of course you need to calm down a little in the face of a trigger to see this north star of values. Otherwise we are in fight or flight mode and that’s no fun for anybody, and doesn’t really produce the results we want.