Strategy and Team Health: A Story from the Coaching Field

I had the great fortune of working with a manufacturing team recently to talk about team health and strategy.  Both of these facets of a team are incredibly important.  As people get to know, trust and respect each other more, they are better able to do the heavy lifting of putting issues on the table in the service of the betterment of the team, department and overall company.  Workers with boots on the ground, doing the everyday tasks can feel disconnected sometimes to the overall mission and vision of their company because they just see what is in front of them.   They are ‘in the weeds’ and not necessarily ‘seeing the forest’.  In my work I seek to connect people to each other, to efficiencies, to connecting their roles to a purpose. 

As we explored what it means to be a good teammate, guys started to chime in and give shape to a definition.  A good teammate is humble, open to learning, able to ask questions and ask for help, have fun and humor together, pick up where each other leaves off and just tacitly, implicitly know how to pitch in to help the overall cause or goals for the day.  It was awesome to see grown men in greasy Carhart jeans describe this ideal and have an earnest desire to embody it.  They don’t always exemplify these traits, but that’s the journey.  Sometimes people get into funky moods for whatever reason, personal or professional.  This is normal.  Being supportive of others in down moods was another characteristic that came up.  Additionally, the team just let go of an employee who was being overly negative for an extended period of time.  They know what they stand for and use this as a standard.  They realize that attitude is far more important as technical aptitude on the job. 

We also talked about issues and goals, two sides of the same coin.  Issues are normal, and abound in most relationships.  My job as a coach is to smoke these out by making it a safe space to do so.  If people can’t trust that their truths will be met with openness and a desire to work them out, they will stay silent, or hold back the totality of what they want to express.  We came up with some really pressing issues that they are faced with currently: workflow, communication, efficiency and training issues.  In my estimation, issues are opportunities for growth, and as we put them out there together, we can solve them together.  Amazing.  People are wise and it’s my contention that we are more wise together, what I call collective wisdom.  We talked about two of those issues, namely training new guys, and a particular workflow issue.  It was awesome to talk through why they are issues and move to figuring out how to solve them.  It was beautiful to see the creative responses that ensued.  For training we came up with shadowing other people, being mindful of training opportunities, giving a plan each day for training, and sticky notes on various machines.  Now they will go and try these tactics, and then I will follow up and see how it goes. 

I haven’t been with this team for about 7 months during COVID and it was great to reconnect.  My mission is always to uphold focusing on what we can effect, defining it, talking it through and finding actions to solve it.  It’s a really good process that works over and over again because as humans we are always working on something.  Most humans I work with as well are committed to learning, evolving and growing. Nobody really wants a bad work environment. 

The CEO and The Coach Part 3: on Resilience

The CEO and the Coach Part 3: On Resilience

On this episode of the Focus Coach podcast. I interview Ken Abbott, President of ABTech Manufacturing in Fitzwilliam, NH about the notion of resilience and how that has manifested in this economic COVID downturn as well as through an injury he sustained while riding his mountain bike.  We talk about what tools have helped him recover from these downturns and the current state of his life and business.

On the podcast we discuss:

·       The notion of resilience, or learning how to cope better with adversity

·       Some things Ken has done to help his business thrive

·       The value of teamwork and values to sustain through challenges

·       The value of keeping calm under duress

·       How coaching helped Ken make shifts in his thinking

·       How an injury led to right-sizing his expectations

The Unintentional and Intentional CEO

The Unintentional and Intention CEO

In this podcast episode of The Focus Coach, I interviewed Mark Bodin, president of the Savings Bank of Walpole in Keene and Walpole, NH.  On the podcast we talk about his ideas and strategy for succession planning, employee development, culture building, community focus and employee well-being.  Mark gives us an in-depth expose of his journey of the path to becoming president, which he wasn’t necessarily looking for.  When he realized that the mission of the bank in its community and people first culture was aligned with his strengths and core values, he jumped at the chance. 

On the podcast we talk about:

·       Mark’s history leading up to becoming president of a community bank

·       Mark’s diligent and methodical approach to employee development

·       Mark’s definition of culture and the bottom-line and values-driven benefits of getting it right

·       Mark’s approach to succession planning, an indispensable function of any Executive

·       Mark’s deep roots in the value of giving back to the community and how his bank achieves this

·       Mark’s candid and humorous style

·       Mark’s strength for understanding individuals’ needs

·       The dichotomy of the organization giving opportunities for growth and advancement and the employee seeking them out.

Taking Things Personally

We all experience adverse emotions from time to time, some more than others. Sometimes when others present us information that we don’t want to hear, such as feedback for our attitude or performance, we take it personally. What does it mean to take something  personally?  To me, whenever we feel offended, embarrassed, insulted, defensive or upset there is a reason behind the scenes that is motivating these emotions. Say, for instance your co-worker gives you some feedback about a process that you are following that isn’t quite right. When this person comes to you and delivers the feedback, you may feel ‘less than’ or even ‘the worst employee ever’. Now the co-worker didn’t say these words at all, they merely gave you some constructive push-back. You in essence have taken the feedback personally, instead of what it was intended to do. 

We all sit with negative feelings about ourselves at times, most likely based on unresolved experiences from our past conditioning personally and culturally. There are many ideals and expectations that are placed on us growing up, many we couldn’t live up to. Also, some parents and teachers were not so nice at times and created within us our own ideal of how we should be. We take these ideals into adulthood and they become unconsciously part of our identity. One client I support had a father who reinforced over time that her voice didn’t matter, to be quiet because that is what good girls do. You can imagine that this energy is still alive as an adult, creating part of her identity. In short, her unresolved identity from childhood is still alive and well. So when some situations occur to have her speak her mind and truth, say to her male supervisor, she clams up. Or when she perceives that someone isn’t valuing her perspective, she takes it personally because that is what dad did.

I want to posit that even when people do have a negative intention to insult us, for instance, we don’t have to take anything personally. If you get upset by someone’s insult, that has nothing to do with the other person. In my opinion you are making a choice to get upset because of what the insult reminds you of, your unresolved identity. Most of us don’t look at this subterranean level of our experience, instead we fight against the surface, the other person, and blame them for our distressed emotions. This simply is the biggest hoax of all time. I personally grew up with a stepfather that was hard to deal with; he was ornery and condescending at times. I moved into my 20’s with a ‘chip on my shoulder’, an identity that I was less than what I should have been. I felt depressed about it many times, but didn’t realize what was motivating it. I am fortunate to have gotten into coaching so I could understand this part of me more fully so it doesn’t drive my behavior as much. Not too long ago, a man I was doing some team building with got very upset and raised his voice to me in front of the whole group. I could have taken this personally and fought back. But I understood in that moment that he was reminding me of my stepfather and that I wanted to fight back. But he isn’t my stepfather. In that moment I was able to calm my impulse to fight against my (past) stepfather and just be curious as to this other person’s unease. I didn’t have to take it personally and I didn’t. It was a defining moment of my coaching career.

So, any time that you feel less then, worthless, bad, unlovable, etc., take stock in these moments. They are stemming from something you haven’t dealt with yet. What you can do is just calm yourself down and realize that these thoughts and feelings are fleeting and stem from old stuff. If someone is being abusive or rude, you can ask or demand them to stop, but it doesn’t have to stem from taking it personally, rather it can stem from your values of connection and love. With the employee who was raising his voice at me, at some point I asked him if he could calm down a little bit so we could talk it through because yelling wasn’t going to get us very far. I was able to calm him down gently and glean some really good feedback from him, as well as engender self-awareness on his part. Why did he get triggered by me and yell?  He took something I did personally. Even though my intention was to have a good team building experience he had a reaction that had little to do with me and a lot to do with his own unresolved issues that I was triggering up in that moment. 

There is great power in choosing your reactions and attitude. You can rise above your past and create a different present, and thus future. The next time you ‘take something personally’ stop and inspect it. What is going on here?  Why are you reacting to a situation in that way?  Does this remind you of anything of old?  What thoughts and emotions are present?  Enlist someone you trust to talk these instances through and you may be surprised what you find.

“We all sit with negative feelings about ourselves at times, most likely based on unresolved experiences from our past …”

“Anytime you feel less then, worthless, bad, unlovable — take stock in these moments.   They are stemming from something you haven’t dealt with yet.”

“There is great power in choosing your reactions and attitude.”

Your Project is Your Projects

If you are like most people that I know you have TONS going on. Normal day to day operation work, normal family routine tasks like making dinner, volunteer work that you do, and of course projects! A project is defined as something that is not achieved by one to-do, and is pushing the borders of your growth and development. It is also finite, meaning it will be something that gets accomplished and not ongoing. When we do new project based work, either alone or with another person or team, we get to learn, and progress ourselves and the organization/family unit. 

An example of a personal project I am engaged in right now is painting every room in the house. Obviously, this takes time and is not achieved in one to-do. There is a lot of work that goes into it: estimating the time allotment, getting the supplies I need, doing the work, touch-up, and clean-up. Rinse and repeat for each room. An example of a professional project that I am engaged in is creating a drumming business, with an online subscription fee for lessons. To make this happen I need to get the space, move into the space, get microphones and lighting, learn editing software, tune my drums, do the lessons, and do marketing!  So much. But it’s worth it. Projects should be things that augment your life, business, or others. 

What projects are you engaged in? It’s helpful to assess what you are doing currently and look into the future to see what you want to bring into being. Sometimes projects are given to you by others, like a manager. Once you assess your projects, how do you like them? Are you engaged? Are you drained? Do you really want to do them? Why or why not? We need to be able to find the sweet spot of just enough extra projects to propel us into our greatness, into our potential. 

Emotions are a great radar system for us as we assess our projects, or create them. Do we feel drained, engaged, confused, overwhelmed? These feelings have knowledge packed into them, like a message in a bottle. Negative feelings like confusion and anxiety can lead us into avoidance and procrastination. When we really don’t want to do the projects we need to do, it can lead us to stagnate. Frustration and overwhelm can lead to being scattered, not focused because there is just too much to do. Of course engaged feelings lead to action and fruition. Of course, we don’t have a crystal ball, and we don’t know if we will be successful. But it’s a worthy pursuit. 

If you are feeling disengaged from your work project for instance, you can talk to your manager about it. Maybe you don’t have the strengths, time, or skills for it. By communicating, maybe you can offload some or all of the project, or take on a different one more in line with your desires and talents. Unfortunately, when we work for others we sometimes just need to buckle down and get it done. I don’t like research projects, but sometimes I just need to do it. But, this is only a small percentage of the time. Overall the projects I am engaged in are leading me into positive feelings and fulfillment. 

When you do find the sweet spot of what projects, and how many, you need to be able to organize them and take consistent action over time to get them accomplished. There are elaborate software options out there. For me I have all my projects on one page, and I look at them every day to see what I can be doing today or to set the stage for a future day this week or next week. I create concrete action steps that I can sink my teeth into, and then I schedule them in my iPhone. Every day I scan the list, hone in on my to-do’s, and assess at the end of the day if I did them, and how it went. Because projects take time, and can lead to unforeseen to-do’s and barriers, we need to be diligent somehow to track everything.

“We need to be able to find the sweet spot of just enough extra projects to propel us into our greatness, into our potential“

Don't Let Self-Criticism Thwart Your Success

Here is an excerpt of a coaching session that I did with a client recently around his self-criticism:

 Growing up with a parent who was critical has created a 'not good enough' energy that lurks inside of you and rears its ugly head sometimes.  You reported to me that it's oftentimes that you berate yourself for past failures/missteps and things that don't turn out to your standards.  You are your own judge and jury.  The voice of self-criticism is strong within you, probably because you heard it so much growing up.  You are even seeing it in how you parent, or how you get triggered by your spouse sometimes. 

The 'not good enough' button gets pushed by many situations, most notably your boss being critical of your performance. So, here is your boss, frustrated and condescending and that sends you into a spiral of trigger, defense and offense.  The recent conflict you both had is evidence of this.  Now you are a grown man, and not a little boy who couldn't protect himself, so you can fight back, even if that means storming out.  Really what the situation is, is a mirror for your self-inflicted not good enough story and identity.  

I did a brief, but powerful exercise with you.  I had you look around and notice real things like my shirt color, the ticking of the clock and the hard table.  Being here now is important because we are always in the moment.  Then I had you try on and say out loud "I'm not good enough," several times.  By the end you began to feel it more strongly than just a mental exercise.  This is because this energy is lodged into the mental AND emotional parts of you, practiced and honed for years, over and over again.  What we are trying to do is to dismantle its power and grip over you, so you can be more free to be, well, you.  

Another trigger you experienced was your spouse is condescending to your kids.  She gets triggered when she isn’t listened to and reacts with anger and critical words.  This caused you to react and go into the next room to cool down.  Remember(!!), your trigger is your trigger.  You wanted to lash out.  Funny thing is though that she is purveying the same behavior that you purvey to your kids at times, so she is a mirror for you.  I'm not saying that condescending behavior is ok, but that fact that you had an emotional reaction to it shows that it pushed your button of self-criticism and not being good enough.  It's interesting too that you said that it stems to when you were 5 or so.  When we are kids, we are programmed by the people around us, who have their good and bad qualities.  You know your dad loved you, but he was also hard at times.  

It's easy to fall into perfection and try to prove yourself when motivated by feeling not good enough.  If the project or whatever is perfect, then you will feel good and get the people around you to think and acknowledge that you you’re good.  But that's a paltry win.  We really win when we do our best and don't give two shits about what people think about it.  Great if they like it, and great if they have feedback for us to get better next time.  It's all a win in that operating system.  I don't need to prove myself anymore because I know I'm not good enough, or at least I think that at times.  And it’s true that I’m not the best coach out there, there are certainly more experienced and more successful coaches in the world. But I am also good enough, excellent sometimes.  I told you about the anxiety I felt before a bank meeting 6 years ago.  I was in my head.  I was worried about looking like a fool, making a mistake, and feeling dumb.  This was my negative self-identity creeping in (which is here to stay I'm sad to say).  I caught it though and turned it around by pretty much saying to myself that I wanted to do the meeting, was prepared, and I was going to do my best and not think about the outcome.  If the outcome was good, good!  If not, then I learn.  It doesn't have to be about my identity. 

Wow, that's it for now.  Just be mindful and gentle with yourself around this energy.   This strong energy may amp up a little bit as you reconcile it.  It will get better, trust me, but it won't go away.  Gotta figure out how to bridle this beast.