Get the right people in the right roles

Don't waste time leading ineffective meetings.

Meetings can have a positive impact on outcomes in your organization.  Learn how to lead them a little bit better.

Post a comment, like and share this video. 

Don't Let Overwhelm Dictate Your Actions

I worked with an engineering manager recently who was overwhelmed by a few things, but one in particular.  Upon talking with him he told me that he has been avoiding, or procrastinating on this item for a while now.  But he really wants to get it done.  Sound familiar?  Most of us have dealt with a dose of this avoidance energy, and it can be demoralizing. 

Because I get to ask questions and be curious in my work, I asked him about the overwhelm.  In thinking it through he told me that it just seemed too big, that he didn’t know where to start.  As he began talking to me though, the confusion began to lift, and something started to happen.  The overwhelming nature of this big project began to unravel itself into smaller steps.  What he essentially wanted to do was to document all of the designs of the company in one central place, so the CEO and sales could have access to it all in one place.  It would also serve to revise some of the older ones as needed.  So there is a real business value to getting this done for himself and others. 

One first step that he came up with was to make a list of all of the outstanding designs, which he thinks there are between 50-100, but isn’t sure.  In reality he has documented 3 of them so far so he isn’t starting from scratch.  Another extenuating factor is that he doesn’t actually care for the documenting process, that is sitting in front of the computer inputting the data required to document one of these designs.  So not only did the task seem overwhelming, he doesn’t particularly have a knack or interest for typing these up.  As we soon would see though, that is workable now that he knows that is a motivating factor. 

Essentially a way forward began to materialize in our session.  He could see that he has been avoiding the project for the reasons mentioned above, and yet in reality he had 3 of the however many number of designs completed.  I asked him to consider that if there were 100 designs to document and he did 2 per week, that it would take him roughly a year to get them done.  This can seem like a long time, but contrast this with avoiding for the next year and getting none done, the choice is clear.  He thought this was a reasonable number to shoot for so we made that as an inspired action.  Next was to deal with getting him support for actually documenting some of these for him, which he agreed that there might be a couple people in the organization who could help.  He told me that documenting one takes about an hour so that is potentially one hour a week for him and one hour a week for someone else if he splits it up.

In our session we essentially blew apart the overwhelm he was feeling, that was causing him to take the action of procrastination.  Once he saw it clearly and realized that he actually truly wants to get this project on its way and done, he had renewed energy.  I am confident that he will get it done and I will use my coaching sessions to check in on the progress as we go along.  The metric of progress will be if he is on par for the 2 per week or not.  If he isn’t then we get to reflect on that, reorient and potentially change up the number he does, which of course makes the project go out longer.  But that becomes a conscious agreement instead of “someday I will get to that” sort of thing. 

I recently wrote about a procrastination I found, with making a call to connect with a high level executive.  For me it was anxiety and the fear of rejection that was the motivator for procrastination.  I encourage you to look at the things that you are avoiding, for whatever reason and to assess what is going on, what you want, and bust through the clouds so you can begin to take newly inspired actions to get what you want. 

To continue your leadership education I want to offer you a FREE copy of my book Zero Stress Leadership. I know you will enjoy it! Fill out the form here for instant access to my eBook.

Dial Down the Toxicity

I like to use analogies and metaphors in my work as an organizational coach. One of these is the concept of dials. Envision that you have both of your hands each on a dial. The left one is toxicity and the right one is learning. When I work with organizations to create happy, productive and collaborative cultures I coach them to turn the dial of toxicity down, which automatically turns the dial of learning up. Toxicity shows itself in many ways, what I also call negative team behaviors: gossip, aggression, sarcasm, avoidance, blame, etc. These behaviors (and negative attitudes) erode trust, learning and functionality of a team. When these can be seen more clearly and put out on the table, I find that every time people can work them out and move to the next level (of learning). When learning is engendered in a team or organization miracles literally happen. I will talk about how to turn down toxicity in my next post.

Take it in

Relationships are tricky at times, this is no surprise to anyone in a relationship I’m sure. It would be nice if we could all get along well all the time and not trigger each other. In my work I support people to get better at the art of managing relationships personally, professionally, and most of all with oneself. Because ‘you’ also have a relationship with ‘yourself’. Why are relationships so challenging? It may seem that it is the other person’s personality, triggers, quirkiness, opinions that rub you the wrong way, so we blame them for how irate we get. This is understandable of course, and yet I wonder that if we get hooked by other’s perspectives consistently then are we doomed to feel adverse emotions and be in blaming and judgmental mindsets?

Tough I know if for example you have a condescending boss. I am personally practicing with this above notion in my own life and in the lives of my clients. It is exciting and harrowing work. Remember that when we get triggered, we shut down our rational mind, which is actually needed to keep us out of hot water. If we don’t catch our triggers then we may do or think things that we don’t really want to. And if we blame ‘them’ for causing our frustrations then we are adding a deeper layer to the situation and making the truth a bit more opaque. Our job is to keep ourselves as calm as possible so we can enlist our thinking mind in creative ways, and not be slaves to our adverse feelings and the unproductive actions that ensue.

One facet of trigger is when someone gives you feedback that you aren’t ready to hear, or it is delivered in such a way that feels aggressive and threatening. This can create anxiety and frustration within us, and lead us to get defensive. I think we all have been there. It is my quest to be in this place less often. This is why I advise you (and me) to take it in. What does this mean? If you can catch your anxiety and frustration and cool it down, and then choose to listen, to take in the world of another person, then you can be engaged in that world.

There may be a gem for you to look at of course, but it may be a gift for the other person to figure out something about themselves through your listening to them. If you decide, really choose to not get hooked by your defensive position and open up to take in what someone else is saying about you or the world, you become more free, and a force for compassion. Recently somebody close to me gave me some feedback, in not such a nice way, that I take feedback in but then turn it around and give feedback to them.

This is not purely defensive because I do listen, but then the situation gets turned around so that the other person feels like they are wrong, misguided, or not listened to. At first upon hearing this through a frustrated tone of voice, I began to shut down. What I realized though is that the person may have a truth for me to see (which they did), as well as something deeper to realize about themselves.

So I took it all in. I listened, I validated, I acknowledged that I can sometimes be defensive, and I asked questions. I resisted the temptation to put it back onto this person and have them look at something. I just sat in the feedback for me. I lowered my defense and became vulnerable. And I learned something about myself. So I throw the gauntlet to you. Where do you get defensive? What would it be like to let this guard down and take it in? What could happen? What’s the worst that could happen? Why do you think you get defensive? Find one place and start to practice, you may be surprised with what you find.

I found that when people are aggressive towards me I want to fight back because I had a negative step-father in my life in my teen years. I felt powerless a lot of times in those days and when aggression happens to me and I don’t catch it I want to fight back because I felt like I couldn’t in the past. Interesting.

Facing My Fear

I have a belief that I don’t like cold calling and I envy people who have a knack for it, or at least I thought. This past Monday I was teaching my students at the college about emotional triggers and unproductive actions we take to deal with these feelings and associated thoughts. Well, in redoing my to-do list yesterday I realized that a Director of a large non-profit in my area was on my list to cold call. I have been doing a lot of work in non-profits lately and think my skill-set would potentially be helpful to their organizational culture. This particular name kept on getting onto my to-do list over and over again. I had a realization that there was procrastination alive and well in this facet of my life. So it became a great way to leverage this self-learning with the learning of my students.

So, in a stroke of self-proclaimed genius I decided to hold myself accountable in front of the class for the very thing I have been teaching them about. When class started yesterday I began by telling them of my personal find and went on to explore some reasons why procrastination happens. What could happen if I cold call? I could get rejected. What could it mean to me if I get rejected? It could mean that I am seen as less than, nothing special, worthless in the eyes of others. This is certainly a possibility I conceded but what is the big deal if people think of me in this way? Answer? Sometimes I think of myself in this way. Sometimes there is a belief that shows up that I am less than, incompetent, dumb, etc., and who wants that belief confirmed by others? See there is a deeper psychology to why we take the actions that we take in life and I was able to identify one of mine, in the presence of my class. And no wonder procrastination is present. It is doing its perfect job to keep us emotionally safe.

After we dialogued about the above root cause I asked them if they wanted me to call this Director in front of them, in essence to cold call and face my procrastination right before their eyes. They all said a gleeful yes! and many reported being nervous for me. I modeled for them that I was breathing deeply to remain calm and focused on my desire to do my best on the call and let go of nervousness and attachment to any outcome. By being in a calm, yet excited state of mind I gave myself a good leg up. I then told them to be as quiet as to hear a pin drop and then I dialed the digits and put the phone on speaker. When I actually got the Director on the line, I found that after I introduced myself he actually remembered me from a brief chance meeting a year or so ago. He also remembered that I have a daughter. This put us on a human level right off the bat. The call ended up going extremely well and I was invited to send him an email regarding my services by the end of the week, which I will do and then follow up.

When I hung up the phone everyone burst into applause, the room was electric. I did a little victory dance and we all shared some glee. We then debriefed about the experience; that is what people learned from the exchange. This led to really amazing comments about how others felt more empowered to face their own fears, excitement that I received a favorable outcome and uncertainty if some of them could pull it off themselves. It was great, and it was extremely good cross-over, conquering my own fear in that moment and having them learn how to do it themselves.

The best part about this story though is the postscript. After I left the college I went to a local coffee shop and who was there? Lo and behold the same Director! I shook his hand and thanked him for the call, we exchanged pleasantries and I told him that I would have an email to him by Friday. It’s almost as if my alignment with my goals and desires to build my business and spread the love in organizations was answered by the universe. Whether or not I get a ‘job’ at this agency is beside the point. It will be nice if it happens, but I am not attached to an outcome.

And the moral of the story? Cold calling doesn’t seem so cold after all.