Obligation is an interesting topic, those things that require us to show up and do them: pay the mortgage, go to work, take the kids to school, monogamy, paying bills, you get the gist. We all know well the ‘have to’s’ in life. These obligations can weigh on us, pressuring us, cause us stress. Does anyone want stress? I’m not talking about the stress (eustress) one feels before a performance or deep Crossfit workout, for instance. That’s a good kind of stress, helps you perform at your peak because you want to do those things.

This past month I undertook an experiment: To sufficiently and consistently manage my actions on the face of ‘negative’ triggered emotional states. I originally wanted to call it Zero Stress July, but upon further reflection I realized that I can’t necessarily control or foresee situations that may pop up that I might feel stress. Case in point: My only major reaction all month was to being stuck in traffic on the ride up to vacation in Maine. We got off the highway for lunch and in downtown Kittery and the traffic was gridlocked. Being on the road for two hours already and ready to have a break, I felt stressed and reacted by raising my voice, being judgmental, and getting short with my family. This all lasted for about 5 or 10 minutes, when I realized what was going on, that I was having a knee jerk reaction to something I couldn’t control....

I recently had the immense pleasure to facilitate a team building activity for 110 people for a local non-profit organization, where I do some work with various teams and leaders to support better communication and collaboration. My contribution for this activity was nested in the annual staff day. Upon talking to people about this event and reflecting on what activity would be best to do, I decided on the bridge building activity. The activity and game were very successful and I had just about 100% participation, which amounted to 110 people, by far the biggest group I had worked with heretofore....

We all know what stress feels like: Negative thoughts and emotions cloud our experience and leave us depleted. Upon a perceived non-ideal situation our brains have us react to these situations in a fight or flight mode. We either become aggressive, passive aggressive, or avoidant. If your boss wants you to do something but you don’t want to do it, it may feel too threatening to talk to him or her about it thus avoidance occurs and we effectively give a dishonest yes. If someone cuts you off in traffic you may be more apt to become aggressive because your job isn’t at stake....