My Book Zero Stress Leadership Event in Keene, NH March 11 2-3pm.

Hi everyone.  I will be promoting my new book Zero Stress Leadership at the Toadstool Bookstore in Keene, NH on March 11, 2017 from 2-3pm.  I will present some of the content of the book for 30 or so minutes and then take questions and do some on the spot coaching!  I'm truly excited to get my book out there and have people put its principles to work for them in their relationships at work and at home.  My book will be for sale and I will personally sign each copy.  If you can't attend, the book is for sale at the Toadstool as well as on my website www.zerostressleadership.com  Here's the link to the event:  http://www.toadbooks.com/event/keene-jeff-saari-presents-zero-stress-leadership

The Five Signs of Emotional Intelligence

I was reading an article lately entitled "The Five Signs of Emotional Intelligence", and it was really good.  Of course EI is a vast topic and there are many more signs of EI, but this primer was a good read.  The five signs according to this article are: being able to handle feedback well (without excuses, denial, stress, etc.), being open-minded, being a good listener, being able to give feedback well, and apologizing when you make a mistake.  

I love all of these points and teach and coach these topics in my work with leaders and teams so that over time they are showing the signs.  I also seek to live this way myself.  All of these points are very difficult though.  I tell people that emotional growth is very hard to do because we are who we are for many reasons:  our culture, our religious views, our upbringing, our values, etc.  The trick in my work is to have people with diverse perspectives come together and collaborate for the sake of the whole and business (or non-profit).  Very tricky indeed because people tend to be set in their ways.  But over time, we can change, and the more we practice the above points, we become more emotionally intelligent.  

I have workshops around most of the five points.  I do workshops on conflict, emotional triggers, listening, feedback, and meeting facilitation.  I just did a listening workshop in a business last week, and it went amazingly.  People want to be better listeners, but most people never really learned how to do it.  It's not rocket science, but it is a skill.  Especially if you are in a field that deals with customers, great listening has great import.  

I guess if I had to pick the one that is the hardest for most folks that I meet, it is the telling the truth one.  The article said that good leaders don't sugarcoat the truth.  Easier said than done.  Giving feedback is especially challenging because we don't want to upset others, we feel emotionally unstable because we don't know the outcome, or we feel apathy in that maybe we have tried before and it didn't go so well.  Whatever the motivation is, we lose the ability to practice this precious skill, much to the detriment to our relationships and businesses.  Are you holding onto a truth that you haven't spoken?  If so why?  What are you afraid of?  Or have you tried and failed before?  As you inspect your own motivation for NOT doing it, maybe you can find something.  I think though we all can agree that feedback is valuable.  

Take these five signs to heart, reflect on them and see if you can practice them.  They are so subtle sometimes so we need to be highly self-aware of their presence and practice when the opportunity arises.  Practicing an open-mind may sound funny for instance, but you can actually do it.  You can think strategically about it and coach yourself to have an open mind when for instance someone comes to you with an idea that you would normally discard.  I would love to hear your successes and challenges with these.  Please do share.  

Connection to Your Work

When you get up on Monday morning, what do you tell yourself about going to work (provided work is the normal M-F)?  Do you know the regular thought patterns that show up?  Are some of them negative?  With the most heart attacks happening Monday morning, there seems to be a stress about going to work.  This is a problem for many reasons.  Lack of interest, not feeling connected to your work, not feeling valued by a supervisor, feeling irritated at work, etc. are ways that lead us to be disengaged.  And disengaged employees constitute a huge drain on the positive morale of an organization as well as some bottom-line facets such as absenteeism and turnover.  

How do you turn this boat around?  First, I think that you have to assess if the work you do is actually meaningful to you.  If you feel that the actual work is not a match for your skills, talents, and desires then you need to look at that and maybe find work that gives you energy.  But if the work is actually a good fit, then maybe it is your manager that is causing leaks in the boat.  This is challenging because to manage upwards causes anxiety.  People don't normally leave jobs, they leave their supervisor.  This is a well documented fact.  Managers need to give people clear roles, opportunities for development, praise and rewards and listen well.  These things aren't rocket science, but they do require focus and attention.  Unfortunately people move up the management ranks without this awareness and without much training.

So what we need is a match of sound management practices and actually liking the work, where it's not just focused on getting a paycheck.  Life is too short to settle, I know this firsthand.  I was in a job in my 30's that ran aground.  I let it go on too long because I was afraid to leave.  Fear definitely drives the train to have our desires go unmet.  Fear of negative outcomes of all kind (what people think of us, financial security, etc.) have us play small and not figure out what we are destined to do with this short life.  I envy folks who have figured it out:  feel connected to their work and have excellent supervisors (or own their own company).  I know it's not easy.  Some of us struggle with meaning and purpose.  Some of us settle over time into a rut and that becomes our dysfunctional reality.  In my coaching work it is my mission to challenge the status quo and make people uncomfortable.  Change requires this and creates this.  Now I don't advocate doing things that are a knee jerk reaction, like quitting your job, but maybe in some cases that shoe fits.  

People who are on their deathbed say that they wished they had better relationships, better health, more purpose in life.  It's easy with hindsight, not so easy in the here and now because fear keeps us stuck.  But if fear originates in our minds, then challenging fear can supplant it.  History is replete with successful stories of people moving through fear to accomplish great things.  Don't let your life slip away. Find ways to challenge your fear.  It doesn't mean you have to quit (unless you really don't like the work you are doing).  You can figure it out.  It takes time though to strategize, think ahead, figure it out.  If you start now though, in a month or year you will be further to finding it.  I have created it by going through the fear.  Monday mornings I spring from bed and am excited for the week.  You can create your life.  If not you then who is going to do it?

The Value of Conflict

Most times when we hear the word conflict we associate negative words to it:  war, battle, fight, strife, antagonism, quarrel, struggle, clash, opposition, squabble, tension, dissension, divergence, friction, and disharmony to name a few.  I do an activity sometimes with groups and leaders where I put the word conflict on the white board and have people say whatever word or words that come to mind.  I would say 90% of them have a negative connotation.  This isn't surprising.  Most of us don't grow up knowing how to handle conflict and not take it personally.  So we become conflict avoidant or a conflict perpetrator.  

Conflict left unchecked can lead to stress, and we all know where stress leads us.  Our physical, mental and emotional health suffer.  Our relationships and passion for work suffer.  And there is so much suffering out there.  Tiredness, grumpiness, sickness, disease, unease, apathy, etc. take hold of us and this is not ideal to say the least.  

There are so many sources of conflict in our lives: someone not doing what we want them to do, resource restrictions, personality differences, differing beliefs and values, generational differences, differing processing styles, being hard on ourselves, not being able to change a behavior we struggle with, etc.  And unfortunately the ways we try to mitigate the conflict in our lives can be negative themselves.  We feel justified in perpetrating a negative behavior to others because they did something not to our liking for instance.  Sarcasm, yelling, stonewalling, avoiding, cold shoulder, are various ways from passive to passive aggressive to aggressive that seek to handle our conflict.  But...it doesn't work.  And worst of all we create more conflict, the very thing we actually don't want!

So what to do?  Here are a few action steps you can take: 1.  Identify the stressors/conflict in your life as objectively as possible.  What is happening?  Is someone consistently late to a meeting?  Don't put judgment on it, write it down as if you were observing something scientifically.  2.  Look for you part to play in the conflict. How do you react to the situations that cause you conflict?  It often takes two to tango.  3.  Look at what you actually want. If you could change things up to have less conflict what would be ideal for you?  To have the person call you if they will be late?  To manage their time better?  4.  Calm down and put your desires into respectful words, what I call feedback.  In short, try to change things up by being calm and clear while addressing it to the person. There is a possibility that you need to be able to let go of some control and realize that sometimes people are different than you and that is acceptable.  Some people process information slower, are more deliberative.  And some people want quick action for instance.  Both can co-exist.  5.  Look at what you appreciate about the person or persons you are in conflict with.  100% of the time I have managed conflict in the workplace we were able to find genuine gratitude in each other.  

Conflict is has value and is truly a message in the bottle.  Yes, some conflicts may not resolve; some conflicts between countries are thousands of years in the making.  But yours don't have to be.  Show up and do something different.  Let your guard down.  Speak up for what you want.  Don't let your triggers keep the embers of conflict burning.  

Appreciation in the Air Today?

I want to caution you that your business or organization's morale may not be as good as you think it is.  I have heard a few times recently how great the morale is from a senior manager, only to have that refuted by one of the front-line staff to me in private.  There seems to be a disconnect between people's perceptions of reality.  How can one person think it's great and another not?  It's the same organization.  I get it that some departments may feel better than others to work in for various reasons.  What I think it boils down to is a leaders ability to create the high morale their team is destined for.  If this line worker who told me that morale isn't up to par is just a negative guy and that nothing will please him, then that is a different case.  But, a good manager can ferret these people out and help them see the light.  Leadership is tough because many leaders are also performing a role of their own in addition to leading others.  But leading others won't happen by itself, it takes a strategic eye to see what is next in development and a tactical stamina to pull it off over and over again over time.  

In the spirit of Thanksgiving coming up, you know that one of my historic clarion calls is to appreciate people more.  It is the panacea that will cure a team.  And best of all it is free.  Find ways to connect and specifically appreciate your workers genuinely.  People are doing good work and I believe get up prepared to do their best for the most part.  As you build appreciation more into your world their best will be amplified.  Of course there are many other things a leader should do to build a team but appreciation is high up on the list.  Go around to your people, even people in other departments and send out appreciation to them.  Be grateful.  It may feel a little awkward at first, but that is natural.  Gratitude has immediate and cumulative effects.  It is just good business.  Remember too that appreciation doesn't just come in the form of compliments, gifts, raises, bonuses are also ways to give back to the people who make a difference day in and day out.     

The Health of a Business

As most people know I am a health and fitness ‘nut’.  Before a meeting the other day it occurred to me that the analogy of what you put into your body, and the effect thereof translates to business.  On the one hand, if you eat junk food or excessive carbohydrates for instance, you will feel sluggish, tired, and overall fatigued.  On the other hand if you don’t eat enough food, your body doesn’t have the calories it needs to perform at its optimal peak.  Both paths are fruitless.  I choose the middle way, in that I seek to put high quality, organic foods into my body with protein and fat being primary and carbohydrate secondary.  Your body technically needs only 20 grams or so of carbs to live.  But in our addictive fascination with carbs, we exceed that number by a ton.  Excessive carb intake also leads in most people to weight gain, as well as the lethargy due to insulin spikes and crashes.  In a business, if you are feeding it junk food, namely negativity, drama, politics and the like, the output is a toxic culture.  If you aren’t feeding it at all, namely lack of communication, apathy, lack of expectations, then it doesn’t have much energy to perform and people aren’t committed.  It is my view that to feed the business an organic balanced diet takes rigor and vision to implement on a day-to-day basis.  Anyone on a diet knows it is hard not to cheat.  I’m not talking about a diet, I’m talking about a lifestyle change, a different way of being altogether.  I don’t think of myself on a diet.  I have a lifestyle that promotes health, well-being and optimal functioning in my mind and body.  I work hard at it.  I know how I want to feel and look and I know what supports that and doesn’t.  Sometimes people simply don’t know that the things they are putting in their bodies or businesses are subpar.  For instance, some people think that organic Kashi cereal or something like that is healthy because it is organic, but it really isn’t.  It is another drop in the bucket of excessive carbs that the body doesn’t need all the while thinking you are eating healthy.  In a business context, one leader of a company raised his voice a lot.  He was feeding his business Doritos and wondering why people were fearful and burnt out.  Would you expect otherwise?  He did.  He thought Doritos was the way to go, until I entertained in him the possibility of feeding them a nice grass fed burger!  By softening his approach and learning about his blind spot (input) he was able to build a better team and culture (output) because he realized he was part of the problem.  This analogy interests me.  Of course you may not agree with my nutrition philosophy, which is fine.  You may have something that works for you and you feel super energized all day and mentally focused.  That’s great.  I’m not saying my way is the only way, it’s only what works for me (and others I have coached on personal well-being).  I could easily have used a fitness analogy too to illustrate inputs and outputs.  The overall call here is this:  examine your outputs.  Are you getting what you want from your business, managers, or teams?  If not, inspect what the inputs are.  Maybe it is a Dorito based culture, toxic to some degree.  What will it take to feed it better?  What could the outcome of that new food be?  In my work I bring different healthy foods to bear on the business and we begin over time to get more healthful outcomes.  It is not rocket science, but it is science.